Daily Archives: February 11, 2013

White Trash Cooking

Two recipes. Yay.

Starburst Pie
Take a package of orange flavored Jello. Prepare jello according to directions. Blend in 8 oz. of sour cream. Pour into prepared graham cracker pie crust and chill until set. Decorate with sliced strawberries, kiwis, and bananas.

Pasta salad
8 ounces pasta (bowtie, spirals, orecchiette, wagon wheels, or cavatelli)
2 cups frozen mixed vegetables
Italian-style salad dressing to taste

Cook pasta according to package directions. While the pasta is cooking, put frozen vegetables in a colander. When the pasta is done, pour over vegetables in colander and rinse with cool water. Drain well. Put pasta and vegetables in a big bowl, toss in salad dressing to taste.

If you’re feeling fancy and extravagant, you can also throw in some olives and/or tuna.

How to make a quick “Grilled” Cheese Sandwich.

You’ll need:

2 slices of bread
2 slices of cheese
A toaster
A microwave

First toast the bread in the toaster. Take them out when done.
Then lay the toasts on a plate.
Take the cheese and lay each slice on top of the toasts.
Place the plate in the microwave and nuke on high for 15-20 seconds until the cheese is melted.
Put the two pieces together.
Eat.

Happy Fooking 2013

My anti-resolutions for the new year:

  1. skip doctor appointments
  2. avoid all health food stores
  3. pick up smoking again
  4. eat, drink and be merry without any regard to my waistline
  5. kill somebody at least once a month
  6. gossip more
  7. stab someone
  8. beat up my neighbor
  9. go on more shopping sprees and spend more money than I have
  10. make someone cry
  11. procrastinate more often
  12. care less about my fellow humans
  13. hide an old man’s cane
  14. be more greedy
  15. eat five large meals a day followed by 2 large desserts
  16. get a new wardrobe to fit my expanding fat ass
  17. torture dumb animals
  18. play hooky at least once a week
  19. eliminate all fruits and vegetables from my life
  20. beat up more people
  21. become a self-centered inconsiderate jerk
  22. less work and more play
  23. disrespect my elders
  24. knock a slowpoke down the stairs
  25. eat more candies
  26. drink more booze
  27. troll a random internet community
  28. leave my mind to decay
  29. stop offering my bus seat to the elderly.
  30. grope a female on a crowded bus or train
  31. prank call somebody
  32. do a Colin Ferguson
  33. goof off at work
  34. goof off at school
  35. steal babies from the hospital maternity ward and hawk them in the black market
  36. crack more offensive jokes
  37. stop giving a damn about the plight of human suffering
  38. audition for American Idol
  39. pretend I’m in a karaoke bar and sing as loud and off-key as I can in a library
  40. start a bar brawl