(D00d, I actually remembered one after who knows how many years?!)
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I was in a record store looking to buy Malmsteen CDs. Birdman was there and the store was unusually organized. The store had an alligator for sale. Only 25 bucks. He was a cute little 3 foot critter and I thought it would be cool to have a pet alligator. So I paid the cashier and took him home.

After I got home, I found a baby onesie laying around and thought it would look cute on the alligator. It was a beige number with a red heart in the center. As soon as I slipped it on the reptile, he became agitated and started snapping at me. I jumped back and he lunged for my calves. I grabbed some kitchen twine, tackled him down and managed to tie his jaws shut. I was planning to remove the onesie when the now pissed off gator tore off the twine. Smart fellow.

He chased me around the apartment and got hold of my left ankle. Strangely enough, his teeth were not sharp enough to break the skin. But the pressure from his mouth stung. I pried him off, climbed on his back and held his jaws closed with my bare hands. I needed to toss the gator out the 6th floor window so I can buy myself enough time to call animal control so they can help contain the scaly beast with proper equipment.

I saw my middle sister sitting in the armchair doing needlepoint. I yelled for her to open the window so I can toss the alligator out. She got up begrudgingly only to walk the pants-on-the-ground slow walk to the other side of the room and shuffle some papers.

There’s an enraged alligator in my hands, and I was equally irate as the poor beast at my sister’s nonchalant response to the danger at hand.

“WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”, I roared. She slowly walked back to her needlepoint project to finish off that last knot.

“THE FUCKING NEEDLEPOINT CAN WAIT! OPEN THE WINDOW NOW! LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!”

The alligator was clawing at my thighs, all the while thrashing his body against my weight in an attempt to escape. My sister got up, slowly walked to the window, tapped at the curtain, and sat back down.

“WTF IS THAT SHIT?! CAN’T YOU SEE I HAVE NO HANDS?! YOU DIDN’T EVEN GO NEAR THE GLASS! OPEN THE GODDAMN WINDOW! OPEN. THAT. FUCKING. WINDOW. NOW!”

There was no calming the alligator down and there was no moving the slack-brained sister into action.

Then I woke up.