The $29 food stamp challenge

So I was compelled to take on the #FoodBankNYCChallenge for one week.  The challenge dictates that you try to live on $29 worth of groceries for seven days.  And you can’t use stuff you already have sitting in the cupboard.  With that in mind, it’ll take lots of strategic planning to make the dollar go far.  Buying in bulk would give a better deal.  When you buy in bulk, you’d end up eating the same thing pretty much at every meal, but you’ll make it through.  A restricted budget means that you only eat to live, not live to eat.

So this is what my $29 food stamp challenge haul looks like.

Trader Joe’s
Instant coffee: $3.99

I realize that I can forget about the organic free trade non-fat soy latte brewed with whale tears from some trendy coffee house down the block overrun with hipsters.  Because budget.  Regardless, coffee is still an absolute must for me to be able to function in the morning. This is where instant coffee comes in.

I thought about picking up produce there, but figured that I might find a cheaper price at Aldi or the ethnic markets.  I know because I once brought a 2 pound bag of bananas from Aldi at an exorbitant price of 44 cents.

Patel Brothers
Indian bitter melon at 1.79/lb: $1.58
1 pound bag of raisins: $2.99

Subzi Mandi
Box of spice mix: $1.29
1.25 pound bag of lentils: $2.49
Domestic garlic from California at 2.49/lb: $0.60 (Because “hell to the naw” to Chinese garlic.)
Plum tomatoes at .79/lb: $0.65

Aldi
2lb container of oatmeal: $2.49
Half gallon almond milk: $2.39
3 pound bag of rice: $1.59

Sadly the bananas and avocados were sold out so I had to go to a fifth market for fruits.  Because the oatmeal need fruits.

Yellowstone Farm
Bananas at .79/lb: $2.29 (That comes to 0.38 per piece.  Fuck, I should’ve gotten them at Trader Joe’s in the first place. Oh well.)
Apples at .99/lb: $0.93

My meal plan will be oatmeal and fruits for breakfast. Lunch and dinner will be lentils and rice with a veggie side.  The total cost of this shopping spree came to $23.28.  This leaves me with $5.72 to come up with another side dish for the mid-week. I get the feeling the bitter gourd won’t last a whole seven days.

Bread Pudding Recipe

Bread pudding

You’ll need:

one 14oz. can condensed milk.
vanilla extract, 1 tsp.
3-4 eggs
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
2 ripe bananas, sliced into coins
handful of raisins
any stale bread you have lying around (I had half loaf of Italian sesame bread which resulted in a salty nutty/sweet flavor combo)
butter to grease baking dish

1. Grease baking dish with butter.
2. Cut bread into cubes.
3. Beat together condensed milk, vanilla, eggs and salt in bowl.
4. Arrange bread in baking dish in one layer, sprinkle some raisins, then layer on the bananas. Ladle some egg mixture over the first layer.
5. Repeat with another layer of bread, raisins and banana, and soak with the rest of egg mixture.
6. Cover dish with foil and bake for 30-40 minutes in a 350°F oven.

Variations:
Use any fresh fruit in season.
Any dried fruit besides raisins would work nicely.
Dashes of spice of choice: cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, ground ginger.

Simple phone sock (free pattern)

Simple Phone Sock
PHONESOCK2

You’ll need a pair of #6 needles and some worsted weight yarn (any material of your choice: cotton, acrylic, etc.)

Cast on 30 stitches.

k1, p1 until length gets long enough to cover phone.
(About 5 to 6 inches will fit a Samsung Galaxy.)

Bind off until you have 5 stitches left on needles.

k5 and repeat for the next 30 rows. (This makes a little handle.)

Sew up seams to form sock. Sew that one end of the little strap down to form a loop. Weave in ends.

PHONESOCK1

The 30/20/15/10/5 years ago meme

30 years ago:
I was 9/10 years old in 1984. It was a good year for music. Culture Club, Duran Duran, Dead or Alive, and Van Halen were some of my favorite bands. I couldn’t quite get the hang of Michael Jackson’s moonwalk.

20 years ago:
I was 19/20 in 1994. I was in a crappy minimum wage job that paid $4.50 per hour. I had to take a break from college after my sophomore year to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I returned to school in 1996.

15 years ago:
I was 24/25 in 1999. I was still in school working on my bachelor’s degree. I found some work doing web development. I haven’t moved out of my parents’ house yet. I think the American music scene has started to go downhill.

10 years ago:
Year was 2004. Several months ago, I graduated from college and got my BA after six years of juggling a full time job and part time school. My coworkers threw me a surprise party for it. I started to take up aikido. I also joined a local chapter for the No Kidding group.

5 years ago:
Year was 2009. I was still dealing with the fallout of an illness that sneaked up on me in 2007. I was on the track to graduate school when cancer came along and completely derailed my plans. Fuck you cancer.

2 years ago:
Nearly ten years after my getting my BA, I finally made it back to the classroom. ohai mental torture.

1 year ago:
I went on medical leave from work and school for 3 months to get gutted like a fish. Much to everyone’s disappointment, doctors declared me cancer free. I now have scars to show for it. I hear chicks dig scars.

Yesterday:
I was at the Coffee and Tea Festival with my sisters.

Today:
Just another day at the cube farm.

Tomorrow:
Cube farm and then school.

Chinese Whispers

Ever played the “Telephone” game as a kid, where you whisper a message into a person’s ear, which is passed around a circle of people and see if it remains the same at the end of the line?

Boredom compelled me to turn to Google translate for amusement. Using the online translator as a “Telephone” game, I started with a sentence in English, ran it through the application in several languages and then back into English. It’s interesting to see how well the original meaning of the English sentence holds up through numerous translation swappings.

This is what happens:

English – “There is no good music here.”

German – Es gibt keine gute Musik hier.

googletranslate1

Spanish – No hay buena música aquí.

Japanese – ここには良い音楽はありません。

googletranslate2

Russian – Там нет хорошей музыки здесь.

Greek – Δεν υπάρχει καλή μουσική εδώ.

Polish – Nie ma dobra muzyka tutaj.

Bengali – এখানে কোন ভাল মিউজিক পর্যন্ত.

Slovenian – Ni dobra glasba.

Vietnamese – Không có âm nhạc tốt.

Portuguese – Não há boa música.

Swedish – Det är bra musik.

Chinese – 這是很好的音樂。

googletranslate4

Arabic – انها الموسيقى الجيدة.

Hmong – Nws yog zoo suab paj nruag.

Gujarati – તે સારા સંગીત છે.

English – It’s good music.

googletranslate5

Last night’s dream

(D00d, I actually remembered one after who knows how many years?!)
————-

I was in a record store looking to buy Malmsteen CDs. Birdman was there and the store was unusually organized. The store had an alligator for sale. Only 25 bucks. He was a cute little 3 foot critter and I thought it would be cool to have a pet alligator. So I paid the cashier and took him home.

After I got home, I found a baby onesie laying around and thought it would look cute on the alligator. It was a beige number with a red heart in the center. As soon as I slipped it on the reptile, he became agitated and started snapping at me. I jumped back and he lunged for my calves. I grabbed some kitchen twine, tackled him down and managed to tie his jaws shut. I was planning to remove the onesie when the now pissed off gator tore off the twine. Smart fellow.

He chased me around the apartment and got hold of my left ankle. Strangely enough, his teeth were not sharp enough to break the skin. But the pressure from his mouth stung. I pried him off, climbed on his back and held his jaws closed with my bare hands. I needed to toss the gator out the 6th floor window so I can buy myself enough time to call animal control so they can help contain the scaly beast with proper equipment.

I saw my middle sister sitting in the armchair doing needlepoint. I yelled for her to open the window so I can toss the alligator out. She got up begrudgingly only to walk the pants-on-the-ground slow walk to the other side of the room and shuffle some papers.

There’s an enraged alligator in my hands, and I was equally irate as the poor beast at my sister’s nonchalant response to the danger at hand.

“WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”, I roared. She slowly walked back to her needlepoint project to finish off that last knot.

“THE FUCKING NEEDLEPOINT CAN WAIT! OPEN THE WINDOW NOW! LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!”

The alligator was clawing at my thighs, all the while thrashing his body against my weight in an attempt to escape. My sister got up, slowly walked to the window, tapped at the curtain, and sat back down.

“WTF IS THAT SHIT?! CAN’T YOU SEE I HAVE NO HANDS?! YOU DIDN’T EVEN GO NEAR THE GLASS! OPEN THE GODDAMN WINDOW! OPEN. THAT. FUCKING. WINDOW. NOW!”

There was no calming the alligator down and there was no moving the slack-brained sister into action.

Then I woke up.

Giant stuffed oddly-shapped chicken meatballs pretending to be Cordon Bleu

Yep, it’s exactly what it is.

So this is my take on the Chicken Cordon Bleu for someone who doesn’t feel like pounding chicken breasts or own a meat mallet.

Baked Cordon Bleu
Makes 4

stuff you will need

stuff you will need

  • 1 pound ground chicken
  • 4 slices of beef salami (or pastrami)
  • 4 oz Havarti, Gruyere or Swiss cheese
  • 1/2 – 2/3 cup panko breadcrumbs plus 1/4 cup for coating (pre-seasoned or add your own spices)
  • 1 egg
  • salt & pepper
  1. Combine chicken, egg, bread crumbs, and seasonings in a bowl
  2. Wrap salami around the 1 oz slab of cheese.
  3. Now wrap the salami & cheese with the ground chicken and form into a cutlet shape.
  4. Coat the cutlets in some bread crumbs.
  5. Bake, uncovered, at 350°F for 35-45 minutes or until juices run clear.
  6. Allow to rest for 5 minutes before digging in.

cordon bleu finished